What a Girl Wants, 21-40
To continue from yesterday’s 20, you may start to notice patterns. Women tend to be like Great White sharks: they’ll hit their target to test and see if it’s prey, then they’ll circle back to it and finish it off. Men are like the Mako shark: they swoop up out of nowhere without warning, attack without digression, and usually make a mess in the process.
But I digress…
21. Will not leave empty cartons in the fridge. If you finish something, move on. Leaving a carton in the fridge is laziness. Laziness kills all things good. If you build a birdhouse in the garage, do you A. Put it up outside for birds to live in, thus succeeding in the project? or B. Leave it on the work bench taking up space?
If you answered “B” you should probably convert to homosexuality or become a priest because you lacking the ability to finish things makes you useless to the opposite sex.
22. Will cuddle w/me when it’s raining outside. Some men don’t “cuddle”. If you’re too manly to cuddle, I suggest being a “sleeper”. The sleeper will get into a comfortable position, then bring his girl into HIS position. She thinks it’s cuddling, and you pass out cause you’re comfortable. Win Win.
23. Will stay up late w/me. Nothing good happens after 3am. But everything between sunset and 3am is game. The key to staying awake late is to be interested in what’s going on. If she’s boring you out, then change things up til you’re into it as well. If you get tired easily at night, DISCREETLY drink a Redbull or slip a caffeine pill.
24. Will understand if I’m not in the mood. Sometimes it’s best to return to old hobbies. If your sex drive is getting the best of you, turn that energy into something productive. When faced with this situation, I turn to my car and see what I can do to improve it. If all else fails, exercise. Being understanding of this situation isn’t easy for us guys — the key is tolerance. If you’re able to at least tolerate it, she’ll think of it as you making an effort to be understanding.
25. Someone who will argue w/me. Women are from Venus, as we talked about. Somewhere in their minds there’s a place where they believe that reverse psychology means lying about their position on an issue because they want you to fight with them about it so they can let you win. If a girl is mad at you, and wants to argue, take a second and think about it. If you believe she really wants to fight about something, then by all means argue your position. And if you think she’s messing with you, call her bluff. “You know what snookums, you’re right; lets do it your way.” She’ll fold, or go all in. Either way, she’s lost.
26. Someone who Will go to the bookstore w/me. READ. So much knowledge can be obtained from a good book. The bookstore is a great way to find out more about your significant other. Look at what they’re interested in, etc.
27. Likes indie music. With all the new bands popping up these days, indie music has taken over the mainstream. All Indie really is are new, upcoming bands who have yet to sign with a large corporate music label. The artists are usually younger, and the music is less pop and more product. I’m a fan.
28. Can hold his own & is still polite. As a man, you will be called upon to “man up.” If you don’t already know how to defend yourself, learn. Imagine if a man were to attack your girl. Rage helps, but in the end, you have to have at least some skill in order to help her. “With great power comes great responsibility.” - Uncle Ben [Spiderman, not the rice guy]. You need to remember that you have a skill to be used in the time of need; you’re not a jerk who is bigger and stronger and needs to get his way all the time. Be polite to those around you and they’ll reciprocate.
29. Dresses decently. Can you picture yourself holding a meeting at a company while wearing a pair of cargo shorts and a Slayer T-shirt? Dress appropriately for the occasion. If you don’t know how, ask GQ.
30. Wants kids! My life didn’t start until my daughter was born. Kayleigh is my world. Yes, I love my wife, and she completes me as a person, yadda yadda yadda… (it’s a joke Lis, I can feel you LEERING at me). My daughter gives me every opportunity to flex my man muscles. Whether son or daughter, your kids will look to you to be their guide, their rock, and their light in dark places. I take pride in being the one who can teach her things and be who she looks to for help. I love that when I tell her to be patient, she clasps her hands together like she’s praying and looks up at me quietly. Your child is a direct reflection of your influence on them. You can suck at being a dad and still be useful to your child just by being involved. If your baby-momma is having to raise the child alone, chances are she’ll be busy and frustrated and her emotions will negatively project onto the child. If you’re there, you can help alleviate some of the pressure on her, making it a more comfortable environment for the child. You can be as involved as you want to be, but let it be known here and now: If you’re reading this, and you know you’re not being a good enough father to the child of one of my friends or family members, be afraid of the day that I catch wind. I might only weigh 140lbs, but I’ve been trained by the U.S. Army to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat, and I will NOT hesitate to use those skills in putting you in your place.
31. Will let me drive his car/truck/motorcycle :D. Sometimes, you have to let them take the wheel. Apply this to other sections of your life. If there’s something that you like being in charge of, let her do it every once in a while. She’ll appreciate you being considerate, and you get to be understandably lazy for a bit!
32. Smart with finances. This translates to “Doesn’t spend money on dumb stuff.” If you like to live like a “Ball-er” but don’t play for the Spurs, chances are you’re not managing your money well. Learn to live within your means, and save money for a rainy day — they come without warning.
33. Doesn’t keep a messy house. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. If you’re messy, chances are you wont find a girl who’ll worship the ground you walk on. (See, I made a religious joke there.) Picking up after yourself is a sign of responsibility and organization. If you can’t do something as simple as keep your area clean, how can she be sure that your messy lifestyle doesn’t spill into other areas?
34. Won’t make fun of my quirks in a negative way. Everyone has quirks. For better or worse, your significant other will do some things that you’ll think are funny. When criticizing something about a person, there are two outcomes: 1. She’s had the same thought before and it doesn’t bother her that you noticed, -or- 2. She’s upset that you brought it up and is now self-conscious. Your best bet is to love someone’s quirks and make light of them to alleviate some of their own feelings about the quirk.
35. Someone who is calm in a crisis!! If you tend to clam up when faced with a crisis, you need to do like I said earlier: think of someone who would handle the situation well. I think, “WWBD?” What Would Bond Do? James Bond fights the odds and wins every time. If you have trouble channeling Bond, use the Acronym STOPP (Stop, Think, Observe, Plan, Proceed). Follow the steps — don’t skip any. It can be applied to any situation.
36. Open minded (to a vast list of things). Life is a series of experiences. Try everything. If you don’t like it, at least you are sure that you don’t like it.
37. Strong Work Ethic <-this is important!! As a man, you are responsible for the welfare of your family. If you think that flipping burgers can’t pay the bills and instead you live with your parents and do nothing, you should consider robbing a bank so you can live comfortably in a prison. At least in a prison, someone will love you. (His name will be tattooed on your butt cheek.)
38. Confident, but not cocky! The difference lies in the outward projection of the inside emotion. If you’re cocky on the inside, yet you act calm and reserved, you’ll project confidence. If you’re cocky on the inside, and act like a jerk, that’s being cocky. Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses will make you a better man and help you build confidence. It’s best to stick to what you’re good at and add stuff in gradually to not discourage yourself.
39. Has his own friends. Friends are easy to have so long as you relate to them. If you like dragons and wizards, find a group of medieval fantasy people and hang with them. Even the nerdiest of groups has women in it. If your significant other doesn’t get the whole Medieval thing, let her know that it’s a part of you, and if she loves you, she’ll be understanding and supportive. If she’s not, leave her.
40. Doesn’t mind if I hang out w/his friends too & will hang out w/mine! If you have any issues with her friends, don’t tell her — tell the friend. The worst thing you can do is try and use your girl to deal with an issue you have with someone else. If she loses the friendship, she’ll resent you. But if you piss off the friend, who cares? You already had a problem with them!
More tomorrow. -KZ
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